White Chocolate M&Ms

Did you know that the first time white chocolate M&Ms showed up, it was during a promotion for Pirates of the Carribean’s Dead Man’s Chest? Mars launched them as “pirate pearls” and they were colored white, teal and yellow. Not that I had them back then, it was probably during Easter over 4 years later. I can’t recall a single time in my life I ever saw or even acknowledged a package of white chocolate M&Ms until last month. I bought them along with some other things I reviewed, Skittles Dips and Snickers White among them.

I poured them out onto my desk to find bigger, puffed, oblong M&Ms, very distinguishable from the originals. The finish on them were… lumpy? Not-uniform? I’d call the original M&Ms perfect oblate spheroids, uniform in texture and finish. And these are kinda like the “Nailed It” version of that. If you stare too closely, they’re kinda ugly.

So. Do you like subtlety? Can you spell it? Unlike me, who wrote the word so many times I can’t recognize it anymore? I hope you don’t, because these aren’t subtle, like at all. They’re sweet. Epicly sweet. That cocoa butter, white fudgey, sweetened condensed milk vibe that white chocolate can have, and bad white chocolate has? Yeah. Yes, that’s here, this is it.

Any and all nuance the original M&Ms have, being tiny, sweet little morsels of milk chocolate? Lost here. Gone. Dead. Blown out. If you like white chocolate, and be forewarned I like white chocolate, maybe not a horrible choice as it’s absolutely the star here, but a whole pack? A. Whole? Pack. Bless your soul.

On the con side, and yes, those up there? Those words, those were the PROS, on the con side? The shell on these turned into sharp little shards of candy glass as I chewed them. More often than not I found the candy coating trying to reconfigure itself in a way it could outright hurt me the most while eating them.

Oh, just me?

Okay.

Found at Walgreens.

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